Top 2 Cartoon Characters I Want To Bitch-Slap

*pre-emptive warning: significant amount of swearing ahead. Oh, and if you’re American I’m not sure if you get all this "quality programming" so you might not know what the hell I’m talking about*

There’s no actual reason for this post except Mace was watching cartoons tonight while I was getting Ave ready for bed, and I realized that I really, really, really hate some of the characters on tv.

I mean really hate. Like creep-up-behind-them-in-a-dark-alley-and-punch-them-in-the-back-of-the-head-and-then-put-the-boots-to-their-adorable-cartoony-tummies kind of stuff.

The first of my Top 2: Ruby of "Max & Ruby" fame.
Every time I see this show I want to drown millions of rabbits in the hopes of killing off any further offspring from this controlling bitch. Seriously, what’s her issue?

Directly from the show’s site:
"Each episode centers on Max, a determined three-year-old bunny, and his big sister, Ruby, a smart, goal-oriented seven-year-old. The show offers an empowering message for children by showing Max and Ruby playing together and resolving their differences in ways that are respectful and supportive.”

Sure. Respectful and supportive. That’s Ruby to a “T”!

That is if you consider “respectful and supportive” to mean “condescending, annoying, disrespectful to her brother’s abilities, and doesn’t see shit that’s directly in front of her eyes unless it jumps up and bites her in the ass”. Then sure. Respectful and supportive is Ruby.

And off topic but holy shit, Max is supposed to be three years old?!! The kid has trouble coming up with more than one word each episode. If he was my little brother I guess I’d get off thinking I was smart and goal-oriented, too, because in comparison …. yeesh.

And the second of my Top 2: "Manon"

Aside from the fact that her god-damned theme song always gets stuck in my head the very instant it comes on, I just can’t stand this chick. First off, bitch, can you not tuck those four stray hairs into your ‘do? I mean seriously, I know you’re busy being “Queen of the Farm” or whatever the hell your title is but honestly, take a little pride in your appearance and spend five minutes in front of a mirror.

Secondly, I just plain hate this show. I honestly can’t even put my finger on why, but I’d rather stick hot pokers in my eyes than watch this crap when it comes on. I’ve even taken to (loudly) announcing to Mace “Mommy hates this show” whenever he turns it on. So far the kid just shrugs and keeps watching, but I know I’m breaking him down. 

And lastly … do you not have any human friends you can hang out with? People be talkin’ is all I’m sayin’.

……………………..

Wow, I feel so much better after admitting this to all of you. So, so much better. That was really quite cathartic.

Now that I know how great I feel after writing about this, I’ve got a few more cartoon characters on my hit list that I just might share with you in another post. Stay tuned, folks, stay tuned! But in the meanwhile ... which cartoon characters do you want to bitch-slap?