Saturday, August 18, 2012

Mo Fo Helium

In my post on Monday I talked about going to Wal-Mart with the kids, and sticking it out even though we had a crap COC.  What I didn’t tell you was the reason we were there in the first place.

You see, I mentioned a few days ago that August 10th was a big day in our family. The reason? On August 10th, not only did Avery turn 9 months old but Jamie & I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary and Mason turned 3. Yup, big things happen on 10s, we like to say! (Actually, no we don’t. I just lied right there. But maybe we should say that. It could be our new family motto! Sweet!).

Anyways …
given that Mace just turned 3 there, of course, has to be a birthday party. And where there’s a birthday party there, of course, have to be balloons. 

Let me ask you this: When you were a kid, which balloons did you prefer? The limp, lay-on-the-floor ones filled with carbon dioxide, spit, and your dad’s left lung? Or the kickass floating balloons filled with helium? I know what my answer is. And I know what I’m envisioning for my son’s party on Sunday. 

Except there’s a goddamn worldwide helium shortage.

Let me highlight that for you.

Worldwide. Helium. Shortage.                         Goddamn.

Maybe because we’ve been away on vacation, maybe because I’m usually too busy with the kids to read the newspaper that’s on my doorstep each morning, but I had no idea the world and birthday parties everywhere were suffering in this way. I found out a few days ago when I casually wandered into my local dollar store to purchase balloons and read the panic-stricken note by the cash register:

Due to the WORLD WIDE HELIUM SHORTAGE, this location will NO LONGER be able to provide helium balloons for our customers for ANY REASON.  

Well, wtf? I asked myself. And then I asked the girl behind the counter. “There’s really a worldwide helium shortage?”

She stared at me. “Ya-ah. Its been, like, all over the news. You really haven’t heard?”

No, bitch, I haven’t heard said my in-my-head voice. That’s why I asked you. Do I look like someone who keeps up on the happenings of the periodic table of elements?
My nice, reasonably well-mannered outside voice responded with “No, I haven’t. Huh. Crazy”.

And then I went home and called Jamie.

“Jamie, omg did you hear there’s a worldwide helium shortage?! There’s no helium anywhere!  How’re we going to do all Mason’s balloons for the party?! Omg! Omg! This is a disaster!”.  *Please note: I have a tendency to overreact to minimal, non-important things* My not being able to find any helium tanks at the Wal-Mart only confirmed my worries that we weren't going to have any balloons for the party.

However, it is now 4 days later and we have in our home … one tank of helium. Jamie tells me he found it at a different Wal-Mart, and that they had loads of them in stock. And while some people may question whether this means there actually is a worldwide helium shortage or not, I instead wonder whether this means my husband performed illicit acts to obtain the contraband item. I guess the jury’s out, either way.

I leave you tonight with two quick pics of all the party prep I’ve been doing these past few days (other than panicking about worldwide shortages of a gaseous element). Lets see if you can guess what our party theme is this year.

First, drink containers awaiting their liquid:
And second, a peek inside my refrigerator:
Ooooo, I bet you’ll never guess! Its the most unique, never-before-thought-of boy’s 3rd birthday party theme.

I’ll leave ya hangin’ until next post …..

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