Every now and again I like to check the “Recent Keyword Activity” stats for this blog as I’m genuinely interested in seeing what search terms people plugged into Google to find their way here. For some reason I find them fascinating and perhaps even a bit enlightening. For example, did you know that this blogs ranks:
#1 on Google for the search “I hate hockey”
#2 for most Manon (the cartoon)-related queries
and #4 for “I wish my husband was more manly” (and I bet Jamie wishes his wife would shut the eff up. I also kid you not, just yesterday we were ranked #7 for this search and we’ve now moved up three spots. Three! With any luck this post’ll push us to #1. We’re #1! We’re #1!).
However, yesterday I was peeking at the ‘ole Statcounter and came across this ‘lil beauty:
Echoing what I painstakingly wrote for you in Microsoft Paint … What.The.Fuck.
I’m not sure if I’m more creeped out by the fact that someone was actually doing an image search for this at 10 o’clock at night, or that they TYPED IT ALL IN CAPS BECAUSE THEY WANNA SEE SOME MUTHAFUCKING BODIES, DAMNIT.
I’m also ever-so-slightly disturbed that this blog would pop up as an option for said individual(s? … maybe he had a buddy joining him in his parent’s basement suite?), and believe me, there was a lot of hesitation before I clicked on the link to determine which post was the tipping factor.
Wanna know the one? A personal favourite, actually: Five Reasons Parents Would Make Kick-Ass Spies, from back in June. I’m guessing its because I used the words “lying” and “liars” a couple of times. Weird.
I’m proud to announce, however, that this individual actually stayed on my blog a whopping 1 minute and 7 seconds which, by my count, is about enough time to read over the Spies article. So who knows? Maybe I prevented some BODIES IN THE STREETS last night. Maybe body-dude was all angry and riled up and thinking “I need to see me some BODIES LAYING IN THE STREETS, and I’d better check my friend Google to see how its done. Aaaand …. search! Oh look … what’s this? Five Reasons Parents Would Make Kick-Ass Spies? Well, lets give it a read … the bodies can wait a few extra minutes. Oh. Hah. Ha ha. HA HA HA. BWAHAHAHAAHA! Omg, this chick is hilarious! So true, so true! Wow, I’ve got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Jeez, she really nailed parenthood on the head with that one. You know, I really should go upstairs and give my parents a hug … thank ‘em for raising me and stuff. And then I’ll go …. wait, what was I gonna do again? Ah well … I’m in such a good mood from laughing I can’t even remember! Funny how that happens."
And so on, and so forth.
You’re welcome, world. You’re welcome. Just doin’ my duty.