Lazy - Part 2

My last post was an admission of sorts … an admission of being a lazy parent. At the end of it I alluded to two upcoming events that are making the lazy mama in me weep with fear. Would you like some hints?

Hint 1

Hint 2

Figured them out yet? Both require extensive work and time from parents, while at the same time are wholly dependent on the whims, moods, and physical development of the children involved. So, you know, some rip-roarin’ good times.

Upcoming Event #1 – Potty Training
I honestly think I’ve been dreading this stage since Mason was born, and now its upon me. Even though I’ve never gone through it before, my lazy-senses start tingling whenever I think of the steps involved in this endeavour.

First, the clean-up. Ugh. As a matter of principle I try to avoid cleaning as much as possible, but there’s only so long you can leave urine and feces on the kitchen floor before it starts making meal-times gross, ya know? I’m thinking two or three days tops. And much as I’ve always touted our beautiful slate floors for their dirt-hiding abilities, I doubt “turds” fall under that particular capability.

To those of you experienced in this, just how bad can it get? I have horrible visions of excrement decorating our walls, furniture and baby daughter, and urine spraying as continuously as a sprinkler in July. It doesn’t help my fears that Jamie and I have decided to try the 3-day potty training method with Mace, which is basically balls-to-the-wall, all-out, no-diapers-no-pants fun. Sounds like a blast! Sign me up!

The other part of potty training I’ve been dreading (and you’re going to think I’m crazy when I say this) is when he finally is trained. Because the work doesn’t end once he knows how to use a toilet, oh no! Then its the “Lets all try to go to the bathroom before we leave, ok?” and the “Mason, do you have to pee?” while out, and the Freudian-like analyzation of his wiggle-movements in relation to his elimination needs (Does he have to pee? Maybe that's a poop wiggle?), and the panicked rush to the public toilet whenever he says the dreaded “Mom, I gotta go”.

A few years ago I recall being out with a girlfriend, her 3 month old and her 3 year old in a park when all of a sudden, Miss L tugged on her mom’s arm. “Mom, I hafta pee”. The look that came over my friend’s face as she threw her baby girl at me, tucked the 3 year old under her arm and literally ran across the grassy field to a set of buildings 3 blocks away has forever been seared into my brain. And I’m going to be living that nightmare in a matter of weeks, nay, days as it were, for we’re beginning this at the end of April. I just need to get up the courage, and remind the lazy side of me that it won’t last forever. It’ll just feel like it is.

I swear, if it weren’t for Mace beginning preschool in the fall I wouldn’t even be considering this monumental task. However, the one thing that overrides my mom-laziness is my mom-insecurities, and I’m terrified about him being the one kid in his class who’s kicked out of school for dumping in his pants. So potty training we shall.   

And what's Upcoming Event #2, you ask? Avery Starting Solids.

A few days ago baby girl, at exactly 4.5 months, cut her first tooth. And while most parents are excited and proud of this milestone (though I ask why? Its nothing she “did”, its not a sign of intellectual advancement or anything?), all I could see it as was a reminder of the pain in the ass of starting solids. The having-to-prep-more-food, the having-to-spend-more-time-each-day-on-meals-and-clean-up, the having-to-haul-various-containers-and-utensils-and-bibs-and-placemats-and-wipes-to-everywhere, the freaking-out-about-choking-and-food-allergies-and-oh-my-god-did-that-have-nuts-in-it?! Oh, the convenience of having a child who can eat whatever you eat, who can drink from a straw, who doesn’t make an absolute mess of himself when out! I could write a soliloquy on my love for that stage. However, Avery-bear will soon be wading into the food-eating pool, and as her mother, I’m forced to follow. But that doesn’t mean I like it.

In writing these past two posts I realize I have so much more I can say about being a lazy parent (which is kind of ironic because having more to say = more writing = more work, which is the antithesis of being lazy, isn’t it?). Keep your eyes open … I may be firing out a few more posts here and there on this subject!

{and yes, I didn’t really succinctly wrap up this post with a nice ending, but …. meh. I’m lazy. Haven’t you learned anything?}

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